Giving up...

I had yet another bad weekend.

I went to go get my cat, Smokey, from my old home, and also decided to take the other cat as well. I did technically cat-nap him… But for the past 4 years that I have lived there, it has been ME who has fed and loved him. Me who saved him from being tortured by my nephews… It was with me and on my bed where he slept every night. And it was my lap that he curled up on in the evenings. My sister actually let a complete stranger “adopt” his mother, and it was clear it was me who was affected most by the death of his brother… I have lived with and LOVED that cat for the past 4 out of his 5 years on this earth. Unfortunately for me, my sister knows this… And on the night of our fight, she threatened me that I would never see him or the puppy again… Looks like her threat is becoming reality.


 

My mum was babysitting my nephews from Thursday to Saturday, as it was my sisters’ birthday and she planned to go out. Fair enough. She had also managed to get someone else to babysit them on the Tuesday and Wednesday beforehand as well. Big birthday celebration. (Also, she nonchalantly let it be known to me that she wasn’t going to be home for the Tuesday and Wednesday nights, so I went to my old house, without actually being asked, to look after the puppy and our other dog Dino, who by the way, has been allowed to live at my new house, with no fight whatsoever… Out with the old, I guess. She didn't even check to see if I was with them)

Late on the Friday night, my sister left a message for my mum asking her to tell me to drop her children off at their Dad’s house the next day, as she had gone away… Straightaway I thought ‘who’s feeding the dogs?’ And also, how dare she just assume I would do what she tells me. Not even to ask. 

I went over there the next morning (Saturday), and sure enough the puppy’s’ food bowl was empty and his water bowl was bone dry. Not only was the inside of the house covered in wee and poo… It was even tacky from where the wee had dried. Outside was even worse. She hadn’t cleaned outside AT ALL since I had left the week before (and as the outside was so bad, the puppy had since been doing all his business inside, so that was now as bad). It was disgusting. I cried. I have bruises all over my arms from him being so desperately happy to see someone. It broke my heart. I managed to get my Dad to agree to let me take him. He said my sister had fed him before she had gone out the night before. I let him know that she actually hadn’t been back since and had actually gone away to country Victoria, and who knows when she’d be back. Anyway… I took him. By the time I got to my new home, my mum mentioned that my sister had called and had said she would be home at 4pm. Oops, I thought. Seemed like I had jumped the gun a little by taking him. Still, in my opinion, leaving a 10 week old puppy alone for nearly 24hours with no food and no water in his food bowl was inexcusable (let alone the 2 days before that, that she hadn't even checked or asked anyone to feed him?!). But anyway, I had fed him, and so I took him back to my old home. Even though I had to walk away to him howling. *sigh. It was about 2:30pm at this stage… and she was supposed to be home by 4pm. 

She had also promised one of her sons that she would pick him up from his dads at 4pm cos he had soccer the next day and he didn’t want to stay there. So, I assumed she really was going to be home.

Cut to about 6pm that night and she messages me asking if I am staying at our old house. She knows damn well that I am not, as I have moved out. I didn’t reply as I was driving. She should be at home already anyway. So she sends me another message asking again if I will be staying there tonight and if I could hurry up and reply. How friggin rude. I replied NO. Then I get another message asking me if the dog has been fed. How would I know?! (Obviously I did know, as I had actually fed him, but as far as she knew he had not been fed since SHE left him over 24hours prior). I called my dad and told him and he asked me to go and get the dog and look after him for the night. So I did. I replied to her message asking me if the puppy had been fed, by saying “He will be fed, cos I am picking him up.” Then she tried making up excuses for herself, by saying that my mum had told I had gone there to feed the puppy. Lie. My mum did not say that. 

I have no idea what time she got home that night, if at all… And I also have no idea if she bothered to keep up her promise to her son either. But the next day she left my mum a phone message asking when I was bringing the dog back. My mum is not our go between and even though she told me about the message, she had no obligation to, and she is actually usually out on the weekends, so the chance of me actually getting the message was pretty slim. 

Anyway, I decided to return the dog. When I got there, her car was there, though thankfully for me she wasn’t actually in sight… The puppy did not want to go in, he resisted a lot. I had to pick him up… and then listen to him cry and cry, even though I was still there with him. He knew he was about to be left there. I knew there was no way anyone in that house didn’t hear me bring him home cos he t he was crying and howling. So heartbreaking.

As I left I sent her a message saying I had returned the dog just to make sure. She wasn’t even home. I’ll be there in about an hour, she said. I told her that I thought she was home and had actually already left. *sigh

I care a lot about this puppy. I care about his wellbeing and his happiness. My sister is one of those people who often think there are people/animals “worse off” than ours and that that therefore excuses anything bad she does. She treats her kids meanly and the animals as well, but “not as bad as some people” and in her mind that’s all that matters. Sickens me. Yet, there is nothing I can do anymore. I have tried to show my dad what’s happening, but she is good at covering it up. We all know my dad’s routine, so she makes sure the parts of house he can see and free from puppy mess when he will be around… I have tried to tell him, he says she has a lot on her plate and is overwhelemed. It’s just excuses and she doesn't help herself. at all. I just can’t keep fighting this losing battle anymore. It’s really wearing on me. 

Now today, she has messaged me asking me if I am returning the cat or if she has to come get him. I called my mum in tears… She is only doing this to hurt me. That’s it. It’s not about the cat at all. It’s about hurting me. My mum doesn’t really understand how I feel about my animals, and there is a part of me that knows how irrational it appears to some people. The amount of emotion and love I have invested into my pets means having them taken away from me it just the worst. I was going to tell her she would have to come get him, as I will not be the one who gives him back. But he is in my room, and I don’t want her there. So, then I was going to say she had to get dad to come get him… But he really does have a lot to deal with right now. His best friend is in hospital and may not be coming out and my brother, his son, is in hospital in Sydney and was just diagnosed with an untreatable, life threatening disease. I am being selfish putting this on him, but at the same time I can’t pretend like it isn’t happening. My mum offered to take the cat back to my old house tomorrow… But now, after getting over the shock and anger, I have decided I should do it. At least then I can cry my eyes out and say goodbye to him on the drive there. I won’t be going inside, I will just drop him off. And cry to myself on the drive back home.

Many people think family is forever and all that... I used feel the same way… But I can honestly say I will never ever forgive her for what she has done. Hate is extremely ugly, but I hate her. From now on, I want nothing to do with her ever again. I mean it. I have let a lot of things slide. I have never intentionally done or even said anything to hurt her and she has done the exact opposite to me. I feel like such a coward, but feel I have no choice but to give up. I can’t win. I know these problems are so trivial in comparison to other things happening, even in my own world, but these pets mean the world to me and I have to give them up. She clearly has no respect for me at all… Not for me or my feelings, and least of all for the wellbeing and care of the pets.

I can only hold on to the hope that she will actually do the right and look after them properly. That’s all.

So, this is me, officially giving up and feeling sick about it.

♡Missy