♡ HALFWAY! ♡ Weeks Fourteen, Fifteen & Sixteen Results!!

Hello Kittens!!

I have been slack again! *hangs head*

I have been feeling really great about myself lately. Definitely walking with a bounce in my step.

I have hit the halfway mark in my 'journey' (anyone else cringe at this word?).

14th week~ 0.6 kilo
15th week~ 1.4 kilos
16th week~ 1.6 kilos

And my complete loss so far is:

25.2 kilos

Whoo Hoo!!

'Yay' indeed!

Now this is scary... Very Scary but here is my Before and Halfway photo.

Before and Halfway!
And that's 'little' Inky!! Remember when he was a little puppy??!
Oh and I am wearing the Kardashian Leggings

I cannot believe how big I let myself get and though you can't see it in that first pic... but I was beaming from ear to ear- I thought I looked okay *sad face*. I am really proud of what I have achieved so far... It does still scare me that I have another 23 kilos to go to get to my lowest ever... And truth be told I should really go lower... Maybe lose another 31 kilos! But I will be crossing that bridge when I get there! The program I am on is designed to find my metabolic equilibrium... So my body will tell me when it's ready to eat my food... At the moment I am happily cruising down the scales!

I am loving the fact that I can finally fit into some of my old wardrobe... And I even purchased a pair of Kardashian leather look leggings... I LOVE THEM! I have now gotten 2 more pairs!! Quite reasonably priced at $32.95 at a Chemist near my work! They appear to be really good quality and I have gotten a few compliments when I wear them!

I have been online shopping like a mad woman!! And just spending money like a mad woman too!

One of my dear friends jetted off to NYC (jealous!! It's true what they say, once you've been there you need to go back!) and she asked me if I wanted her to get me anything. At first I said 'oh, no thank you' as I still have a massive stash since I went in December, but then I thought about it and may have looked at Sephora... Well then I was asking her if the offer still stood! She said yes! Yay!

Then I created this list and screen captured it, worked out currency conversion and was ready to send it to her when I noticed 2 horrible words... Online Exclusive!! Noooooooooooooo! So I revised my list but I still reallllllly wanted the online exclusive!! Isn't that always the way??? So, I created an online order and decided to use HopShopGo to get the Sephora package to me.

*Breathe, Breathe* It is on board with driver as I rapidly tap my keyboard!!!! So excited I could squeal like a little piggy!!!!!

My next post is a comparison between Mecca, Tarazz (the Aussie 'portal' to Sephora) and Sephora itself + HopShopGo! Plus pics of my goodies!!

♡Missy

Crisis Averted

Thank goodness!

I was searching for Bender the minute I got home.. Right up until I went to bed, for what was to be a sleepless night.

My other furbabies were so adorable though.

Firstly, I was out in the back yard, calling for Bender… and Dino was howling along with me. I’d say “Bennnnnderrrrrrrrrrrrr?” and Dino would start “arrr rooow roow rooooooooo”… in the same ‘tune’ I had been calling. I thought I was hurting his sensitive little ears, but then when I did it really softly and he still echoed my call only he did it loudly. It was kind of like he was saying, ‘no, no, not like that, like this…’

To my slight annoyance, Smokey kept responding to my calls… But I swear he was trying to tell me something. He is actually not a massive fan of Bender, but he is sensitive to me being distraught, so I think he was comforting me. And maybe, just maybe he pretends not to like him. They did touch noses the day before Bender went walkabout... Nawww.

A bit later I went for a walk with Dino to search for Bender. I looked like a nut job, walking around calling out for him… but I didn’t care. I was looking in bushes and shrubs and anywhere I thought he might be hiding out. I was also looking for him on the road just in case *sad face*.

It was too busy out- with kids playing in the park and cars driving around... I knew he wouldn’t come even if he did hear me.

I went back inside and every time I heard a noise outside or Smokey’s bell I thought it might have been Bender… But, nope.

Once it got dark, I went out and called him again… Still nothing. The roads were still kind of busy, so I didn't think he respond yet anyway.

At midnight, I ventured out again- to the park, in the lane way (scary) and called and called—worried I was waking sleeping babies, but doing what I had to do.

Unfortunately, a different cat answered my calls. I have met him before, his name is Henry or Harry and I literally call him “Henry-Harry”… and he walked around with me for a bit, but left when I went into the park area.

I was later joined by Smokey, again. And this time I knew he was trying to help, he was sniffing around and walking alongside me, meowing along… Then we heart a very faint meow.

I thought for sure I had found him… 

But then Henry-Harry jumped down from a roof. Next thing I know, he and Smokey were having a tiff… Hissing and growling at each other. Henry-Harry actually chased my Smokey away- down the lane way and around the corner! Then I started thinking… That is probably what has happened to Bender. Maybe Henry-Harry chased him too and he went further from home than he intended and he couldn't find his way back.

Then I was thinking maybe he had gone back to his old house. A good 50 minute drive away… but cats have been known to travel interstate before. So then I was questioning whether he wanted to live with me in the first place… and whether he was happy etc etc.

I finally crawled into bed… and tried to sleep. But bad thoughts just kept coming to my mind. I figured if he was going to come back, he would wait until the wee hours- when it’s quiet out and Henry-Harry is asleep.

I knew I was going to have one of those half asleep nights, y’know when you are on high alert- kinda sleeping with one eye open.

Sure enough, I was woken by a very little meow, which I assumed was Smokey… I patted my bed and gestured for him to get up… Then I noticed it wasn't Smokey at all... It was Bender! I was SO happy- as happy as you can be half-asleep. I noticed he had a wet/sticky patch on his back and he was very sooky. I think he did get in a scuffle with Henry-Harry. I checked the time and it was 3:15am.

When I woke up in the morning, he was still in my bed- so it wasn’t just a dream. He seemed to be okay- health wise, but I’ll give him another once over when I get home.

I feel very lucky to have him back… And I am relieved to know he knows where ‘home’ is.

I am looking into having him neutered today. Poor little guy, he won’t know what’s hit him! I need to buy him a cat carrier box. There is a shop around the corner from my work that sells pink ones… Hmm. It’s under $30 and I'm the one carrying it, so I think that justifies the colour pink. 

♡Missy

Got my baby back!

Just quietly, let’s pretend it hasn’t been nearly 2 months since I last blogged. Okay? Deal.

I have been preoccupied and I am sure you will understand… especially if you read this post and offered support.

I got him! I got him back!!!

My patience and gentle persistence paid off.

Just before I left for NYC (side note; wow), my sister posted a picture on Facey of the head of a rat and said she had enough and that I could take the cat. I was cautious… Oh so cautious- and I know, actually everyone knew, she was holding him over me ever since I moved out. I said I would take him in a heartbeat if I thought she was serious… She continued to dangle him in front of me, but I couldn’t seem too eager. I had to play it cool. 

The next time I visited them, she asked if I was taking him with me… *eek*… my heart was bursting with excitement.

But…

I couldn’t take him.

Not yet. I was about to go to New York and couldn’t leave him to adjust without me… and I also couldn’t put that on my Mum.

I thought I had ruined my chance of having him back…It felt as though there was a slim window and I had to jump when I had to chance… But it was just my luck that my sister asked me to feed and walk the dog every day while they all went to QLD for a holiday. No problem, I thought… Now’s my chance!

As I dropped them off at the airport, I mentioned nonchalantly that I would probably take Bender while they were away… You know? At some stage. Well, I got him that very next day!!!!!

There has been some adjusting. He knows he is safe with me, but he wasn’t so sure about my mum. Haha. Smokey wasn’t impressed at all. He threw a hissy fit to be precise… and even didn’t come home on the first night. Eek. He’s okay now and we’re all nice and settled. It’s been nearly 3 weeks now and I am sometimes still in shock that I got him back. I am so so SO happy I have my little family back together. 

My sister and co ended up being away for nearly 3 weeks (they got back last night)… and I spoke to her a few nights ago (talking about the puppy) and I mentioned that Bender was settling in and was right next to me on the couch… She seemed shocked. Oops, but too bad. Don’t tell me to take him then be shocked when I do?! Haha. Weird. 

And anyway, I have already gotten him a new collar and tag with my home number on it. He’s mine!!!

P.S- Off to the city tonight for dinner for a besties birthday…  it’s a night for dumplings! Yay. The booking isn’t till about 7 so I have no choice but to go to Daiso and have a little wander around the city.

Oh and also, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

♡Missy

My Bindi Tattoo Update!

Hey Kittens!

Sorry for my postage delay! Work has been hectic... And between that and my annoying co-workers (yes, they've multiplied) I am SOOOO ready and in desperate need for the weekend! Eugh!

Okay, so firstly, I haven't updated my Bindi Tribute blog post yet, but I will be... I want to do him justice. I was exhausted on Wednesday night at my tattoo, I couldn't complete it.

Here is the last photo taken of him.

One thing I have learnt this week, kids...

Tattoos hurt.

They hurt like a b!tch. haha.

Well, yeh I kinda knew that, but shoot I don't remember them hurting this much! I thought my inner wrist was bad, but the top of the foot. Sweet Lord!! I was doing some Lamaze breathing techniques I have learnt from various TV and movie births, some serious face winching and screwy uppy faces, and a whole lot squeezing of the thigh area to take away from the pain.

It hurt people.. And I'm no Wussy McWuss Wuss. Well, at least I didn't think I was. I put on a pretty serious brave face and think I did pretty well.

It's sooo much bigger than I originally planned... But I do love it!

Here is a progress shot!

Le Outline= Le Ouch-line more like it 

I originally wanted 4cm by 4cm... This baby is around 8 by 8 instead and took an hour and half to complete.

Turns out walking when you've had your foot tattooed is quite a task- I really didn't even think of that. Being able to wear shoes is also pretty tricky; in that, I have only one pair that I can actually wear, without substantial rubbing on my fresh ink.I can't even wear my slippers or Ugg boots!! Now that's sad.

Another thing is, it's swollen! I have not experienced swelling with any other of my tattoos... Not that I knew of at least. It was so swollen last night I had to have it elevated. As I was doing that I thought I'd google 'foot tattoo heal' to see if swelling was a common occurrence... Luckily I didn't google that before the tatt, or I may not have gotten it, at least not on my foot! Words such as "pain" "swelling" and 'prone to infection" don't sound like fun. haha. I think it's worth it though. I love the look of foot tattoos.

Here it is completed:

Oooh Ahh

You can bet your bottom dollar I have added a filter to the pic to mask the redness... This was taken just after washing the plasma and dried blood off (ewww) and applying my first coat of bepanthen.You can't really see the pretty pinkness that is the bow (due to photo editing and offsetting the red), but it is perfect. I love it. It's a really pretty rosy pink. And the 'B'?! I love it!!!!

Do you likey my tattoo?!


♡Missy

Updates: fun stuff

Hey Kittens!!

Thanks for the support re: my annoying co-worker! He is still pee’ing me off. There was a time when I was blaming the diet or my upcoming monthly lady-issues, but I’ll tell you, my attitude towards has not changed one iota. 

Latest is he got himself an iPhone… And, um, I hope this is not correct, but it feels like it was almost to either a) impress me or b) have something in common with me, aka: something to talk about. To be honest… I really don’t care. Every man and his dog has an iPhone (practically). But anyway, he is now using this as the latest excuse to come and bug me… I get barraged with questions. You’d think my ‘just google it’ as a response tactic would work. So far it hasn’t.

Yesterday, over my lunch break, I emptied the contents of my handbag onto my desk so I could do some stocktaking (hehe) and to clean it out. How does one accumulate so much junk in there??! A bazillion lip-glosses, Fifty pens, receipts, receipts and more receipts, chewy wrappers, and other indiscernible debris. I had to give her an upside down shake in the bin. That's classy.

Anyhoo, I hadn’t completed the clean-up by the time Lunch was over and my annoying co-worker came in to ask yet another question about the iPhone and how to connect it to the computer (the answer, by the way, is ‘work it out yourself’), he then started picking through the things on my desk. Hello…How rude! Hope you enjoyed picking up my cute Moxie pad tin and inspecting it! How intrusive.

He also keeps saying ‘just so you know, I’m probably going to be bugging you for months about this iPhone’… Oh my God, seriously?! They are pretty easy to use. Intuitive some might say. My Mum and Dad are both over the age of 65 and they can handle them. Have a play, some trial and error and bingo. It’s. Not. That. Hard.

Anyway, not to dwell… but…Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I put up with a lot. Just in general. I’m the person who will let a crazy old lady with 6 inch white wiry hairs growing out of her chin talk my ear off on the bus in the mornings just because I couldn't possibly be impolite and go back to listening to my iPod. (that was me yesterday morning… not the hairy chin issue, I deal with mine. Ha.) Also just the millions of issues with my sister- it all relates to my door mat nature and my I-can’t-speak-up-for-myself thing I have going on.

Anywayyyyy, on to some fun stuff!!!

♡One of my nephews is coming for a sleep over tonight. Is it lame that I am excited?! Haha. He’s kind of hard to get off the computer sometimes, but I like having chats with him. He’s a sensitive little soul, and my sister can be hard to talk to. In the past, he has asked me about the Birds and the Bees and Puberty (ie: what to expect)… SO CUTE. Awkward but cute! I was chuffed he trusted me to ask such questions. He has also previously told me about crushes at school and even pointed the lucky lady out to me when I picked him up from aftercare.

   

♡I have booked in for a tattoo next Wednesday after workies. That is the anniversary of the day my precious cat, Bindi, was hit and killed by a car. I am getting a heart with a leopard print background (he was leopard-y) and a paw print beside it… And also have a nice script-font “B” somewhere too. My tattooist will design it for me after I supply him with my inspiration pics. It will be on my foot.

♡Unfortunately that Wednesday is also my Mothers’ birthday… Luckily we are celebrating tomorrow and my bro, sis in law and niece are coming for a picnic!

♡My little doggy, Dino- or The Dinominator, as I like to call him… has been visiting the vet of late. I am afraid we are officially OLD. He has arthritis in his widdle legs and has to get a needle once a week for 4 weeks for pain relief, then one every 4 months thereafter. According to the Vet, aside from his arthritis, he is very healthy for a 12 year old! Go Dino!!

Here is The Dinominator after being wrapped up in his Nana blanket by my Mum… Having his morning stretch.

'Ahhhh, Good Morning!'

♡Over the Easter Long Weekend, I got to visit my beautiful Bender cat and also see the “Puppy”… I use the term loosely, as he is huge! And bite-y. I have the bruises to prove it. I took him for a walkies and pretty sure he was trying to rip my arm out of the socket. He needs walk-training. Badly. I feel like I need to take some control here. At my nephew’s ages, I was taking our beloved German Shepherd Gypsy for walks by myself (from 10/12 years of age), and she was classed as ‘naughty’ (we had rescued her from the streets), but Inky… He is so unbelievably strong… He needs training. Like yesterday. I am very disappointed in my sister, to be honest. I abandoned him because of her and she has clearly done next to nothing to train him to walk. No way will my Dad ever be able to walk him the way he behaves now. So, I feel like I will have to step up and say I will walk him x times a week, just so he gets a proper walk session in. He is gorgeous!!!! Lookie...

Soooo CUTE!!! Nearly 7 months old. Nawww!

Bender having a much needed cuddle! (much needed for both of us. I miss him!!!)

My Puppy War Wounds on my forearm... Pretty sure they are Love Bites, but "Ouch!" nonetheless!

Have a great weekend, Ladies and Gents!!

♡Missy

week three: Love / Hate

Loving my weigh in this morning… Nice pep up cure to Mondayitis.

Loving that I lost 1.1 kilos this week, taking my 3 week weight loss total to 5.2kgs!

Loving that eating well means feeling great.

Loving my cute new pastel coloured polka dotted dinnerware. Making meal times seem fun! Pics to come.

Loving that the simple task of cutting up an apple, makes it seem oh so much bigger.

Loving stationary. I am addicted. Always will be…

Hating that I found a stationary supplier that stocks all my favourite Korean goodies… at reasonable prices. I predict a splurge. 

Hating that I have to wait for a Pinterest invitation!

Loving going to the cinema with the BF. 

Loving the use of $7.50 movie vouchers acquired a few weeks ago. Yay for 90’s movies prices!!

Hating that my water bottle had been leaking throughout the entire movie in my bag.

Loving that it was only water.

Hating that water can and will stain my “water and stain repellent” leather bag. Waaah.

upside down bag shot

Loving that I found my leather conditioner, which cleans and nourishes. I knew I had seen it in my mess of a room. somewhere…

Loving that it actually worked. 2 treatments done, 1 more and my bag will be back to its' former glory!

Hating the thought of spending $3.50each for 3 mangoes on the weekend to find that they are bruised and smooshy.

Loving that I found 2 for $1.99 at my local-to-work grocer.

Hating the thought of lugging 4 mangoes home… On public transport. Dread. 

Hating that the sparkle of PT is wearing off already. My buses have been late like crazy! Last Thursday and Friday I didn’t get home until after 6… Over an hour travel time! Driving home only takes 15minutes! Unfair.

Loving that I found the Pinterest app for my iPhone to keep my amused while I wait for the bus.

Hating that it’s slightly buggy when you aren’t member.

Loving that I got my Pinterest invitation on Sunday. Yay. The app now loves me! (I have not pinned anything yet)

Loving that my baby boy, Smokey, loves his 10^th Birthday present and how as I was assembling it he was already swiping at the ball… Then the moment I put it on the floor *scratch, scratch, Scratch* ”Finally! I’ve been waiting for this!” *scratch, scratch, scratch* Last night I caught him asleep on it! Nawww.

I could have gone on forever with this format!

Toodles Noodles!

♡Missy

Happy (belated) Australia Day!!

Just wanted to wish you all a Happy Australia Day, even if it's belated! 

source: google images (and on a meat pie please! geddit? haha)

I didn’t actually do anything especially Aussie to celebrate the day, but I did have a really great day nonetheless!

I got to see my Baby Bender!!!!

He looked different to me, darker than I remember, I guess that’s what happens when you haven’t seen someone for a while… He wasn’t upset with me or anything; in fact it was just like old times.

At first he was bit surprised to see me there when he came into my room, but I scooped him up and gave him some serious smooching. *sigh

I miss him so much.

He looks okay, no matted fur or anything, so I am happy about that. He also has a girlfriend… or at least some girl kitty called “Misty” who feels free to come inside the house to find him. Haha. Cute. 

My nephews were with me in my room when Bender came in; I held myself together, gave him his cuddles and let them play with him in my room while I continued to pack some of my stuff and tidy up… But as soon as they left, I clambered onto my bed to pat him, and within moments, there were tears. I am a bit of a sook.

Snuggled up against my bag!

I miss him, I miss him, I miss him!!!!

I had to pick him up and carry him out when I was ready to go. He was so relaxed, he wouldn't leave my room. He then walked with me outside and sat in the driveway as I drove away. He is such a darling cat. 

I also saw the puppy. He is HUGE! He is like a full grown German Shepard size wise, but all lanky and awkward like a teenage boy going through a growth spurt… SO CUTE! No pics though cos he was jumping up all over me! He can put his paws on my shoulders! He is only 4 months old! And I am nearly 170 cms tall (for some perspective). He nearly pushed me in the pool! Haha. So cute! Next time I go there to visit, I will definitely get pics. He’s adorable!

I also saw my sister...

Christmas Grinch...

Thanks for your comment on my last post, LH

I totally understand how you feel! Family drama is one of the hardest to deal esp when I see friends with families who are extremely close knit and I think, why am I not like them? But now I've pretty much given up on having any sort of close knit relationship and I'm just taking baby steps and seeing how things go and being civil.

And with your animal thing, if I were you, I would have just taken them to my new place. I cried when I had to put my cats in the cattery when our apartment flooded. I know I'm a legit crazy cat lady. I totally miss my babies when I leave the place!

I actually started to write a reply to your comment, but then it got massive and I realised, heck, this is a post all on its' own.

My sister knows how much Bender means to me, which is precisely why she forced me to return him. I did technically steal him and had planned to keep him, and I even thought I'd gotten away with it without much fuss. But then she used my nephews as leverage for me to return him (I had even asked my nephews if it was okay, and they seriously didn't care!) and she would have gotten my Dad involved and why would he, or anyone, support me, when she would say my nephews miss their cat?! It's blindingly clear she's doing it to hurt me and she couldn’t care less how the cat feels, or even how her children feel (like I said, I asked, and they didn't mind). She is not an animal person. She's barely even a people person.   

I literally think about him all the time. I too am a legit crazy cat lady... My sister knows that too- She used to say I was the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons and even gave me the figurine, which I think was intended to be insulting... Pfft, I'm proud of it, it's sitting on my desk right now, as we speak- or I type I mean. I love my pets and I’m not ashamed, but I couldn’t let her keep using them as a way to get to me… Well, it is still getting to me (obviously), but I can’t let her know that. I know I sound crazy… but I’m not being overly dramatic, I promise. She wants to hurt me She wants to punish for me for not letting her stand over me anymore.

And proud of it!

I hate myself or not being able to stand up to her and take Bender... I'm exhausted by her and all the drama and abuse… It fuels her, she loves it- thrives off it. Lives for it. Even now, my anger is all built up inside of me, it makes me feel ill. I'm not even going to Christmas this year- cutting off my nose to spite my myself, I guess...Yep, I'll be on my own for Christmas and I'll be the only one who notices. I wouldn't dare inflict the terrible mood I will be in, due to missing out on my usual family Christmas, on anyone else so I won't be going anywhere. I cannot stand her and don't want to be anywhere near her. I will explode if I do. She'll use my absence against me, but I've gotten to the point where she can say whatever she wants about me now. I’m over it. The people who really know me (incl. family) will know what she says is complete bulldust, and if they don't already know it, why should I let it bother me.  Saddest part about that… I think my own Father will be someone who will believe all she says. I’m sick of being second best to everyone.

I'm so hurt by all of this... Bender being kept from me is just the dagger in my heart.

♡Missy

The heart grows fonder...

On Sunday I went to my old home to pack up some more things... and saw my little darling Bender- okay, you got me, that is the real reason I went. *wink*

I was nervous about returning... I had yet another text-war with my sister on the Saturday evening. When I say war, what I mean is that I am civil... and she goes off her rocker. Some of the memorable insults were that I am a 'slack cow,' 'a freeloader' 'selfish', but the worst, and most worrying, was the threat that selfish people will get what selfish people deserve... And I hate that I thought it, but my mind went straight to 'what is she going to do?' I thought burn down my room, hurt my darling cat... Honestly, these are the things I feel she is capable of. Would she go ahead and do it? I really don't know... But it says a lot that I thought it though. I also mentioned it to my bestie and when I mentioned what I feared, she even said she didn't want to say it, but that was exactly where her mind went too.

?! What am I dealing with here?! I live in fear of her, and what extent she might go to hurt me. That's crazy right?! But the fact that my best friend thought it as well, made me feel that I am not just over-reacting.

I stopped replying to her texts, because there was no point. I just forwarded them to my Dad. In my mind, if he can justify the way she treats me, then he can deal with it. He told me he called her and that it was 'okay now'...

My arrival was confrontational *sigh

I was in my car, psyching myself up, and my Dad's car was still there, so I felt slightly relived that my buffer was around... As I approached the door, my heart beating fast, sweaty palms... The door opened before I got there. Yep, my Dad was leaving just as I was arriving, and my sister was right there saying goodbye (so was Bender). My Dad tried to make a joke 'Oh, you remember (my sisters' name) don't you?' (hardy har, nice try but no dice with me). She laughed and acted very jovial... I said 'er yeh' and just made a bee-line for my bedroom and shut the door.

I am not a faker. I actually can't do it. I'm most probably not making it any easier on myself, or anyone really. I haven't even looked my sister in the eye for a long time (early November), so I'm not about to go along pretending nothing is wrong with someone who says such awful things to me, am I?! I can't do it. And it pains me even more that she has the ability to pretend like nothing happened before- like the big blow-up and that, again, only a few days prior she was calling me horrible names again, when I literally say nothing bad about her, no name calling, nothing to provoke. All that was happening was me being blamed for things that were not my fault. At all. It's amazing, really. The one thing I did say, after being blamed for a plethora of things, was 'always blaming someone else' and that was after a barrage of texts, sprinkled with profanity. That's it. That's me, "being horrible."  That was followed by 3 or 4 more texts, once which included 'stop texting loser'-- which I thought was strange, considering I had sent the ratio of 1 text to her 4. It's like a lot of the things she says to me... They should really be directed at herself. Like blaming me for things going wrong with her life... They aren't my fault. Not one bit. Other people have said that too... Like my mum, brother, my best friend. My dad has said to me, in her defence... that I am the only one she can take it out on or that "she's angry at the world"... Um, and that makes it okay?

Playing happy families cos my Dad was around at the front door and just pretending like she hadn't said what she had said only a few days before?! I can't do it! Is that wrong?! Am I wrong? Am I supposed to pretend it was all fine and ok with me?! Seriously? I don't know. I am so hurt, I can't do it. I won't do it!!! Not anymore. I also don't want her thinking... 'ahh I'm forgiven'... and that it's okay to treat me that way. It's not. It's not okay anymore.

I can't look her in the eyes because I feel if I l do, she will see all the pain she has caused me. My eyes don't lie. And, I would be happy to be wrong here, but I feel she takes pleasure from knowing she hurts me.

~♥~

It had been nearly 2 weeks since I had seen Bender... During that time, on many occasions I wanted to go back just to see him. Like, not even go inside, just see him outside, give him a pat and some cuddles, so he knew I was still around.

Leaving him was bad enough and I avoided visiting him because I feared seeing him again and then saying goodbye again would be hard. I was right. It was hard. But, I am happy I went and got to see him. It was a bitter sweet reunion. I am glad that he is okay, glad that he obviously still loves me, but sad that I had to say goodbye and maybe gave him false hope that I was back. I saw signs that he is a slightly unhappy... I mean he is being fed, he has shelter etc, but like me, he is an emotional eater... and, like me, let's just say, he's piled on some pounds! He is also not grooming himself like he would normally, but when he came into my room for some cuddles, he started grooming, like he could relax.

I miss him most at night... He used to sleep with me. I'm lonesome without him. In the past 2 weeks, I would catch myself wondering what he was doing, wondering if he was waiting for me to come home, feeling sad I wasn't strong enough to still be there. Feeling like the bad guy.

When he first saw me on Sunday (at the front door, as my Dad was leaving), it was soooo cute. He saw me, looked perplexed, and his eyes grew large as if to say 'huh? Is what I'm seeing real?! Is it really her?!' He would have rubbed his eyes, in disbelief, if he could, I'm sure. Unfortunately, at the time I went straight upstairs and didn't get to say hello properly- the whole front door confrontation was too much for me, but he came and 'knocked' on my bedroom door about 5 mins later... by knocked I mean incessant scratching and the old familiar meowwwww. Mmm, I misssssss him soooooo much.

Posing

I have to admit, Smokey is enjoying being the only cat in the house. But the thing with old man Smokey is that he is Mr. Independent. He doesn't mind the odd cuddle, but overall, he likes his space, and gets a bit agro with me if I coddle him too much. Bender was like the answer to all my pet prayers... He loves a cuddle, anytime, anyplace. There is never a limit to his affection. It's amazing. I miss that.

Here is Smokey, looking like a kitten, even though he will be 10 this February (I actually thought it was last Feb, but found his birth certificate in the move, haha). That face is the look I get after I have annoyed him by calling his name a number of times for a photo op... What? What do you want?! Still cute though!!

 I also got to see the puppy!!! My sister and the kids had left, on foot (her car was still there) and I *assumed* they would have taken the puppy with them... I mean why not? Why, when you have a puppy, would you not take them with you? Anyway, I went outside for a sticky beak anyway and OH MY GOSH, adorable to the max! I wish I had taken a picture, but I went out there empty handed, and luckily, cos he was all over me like a rash!! I kept saying 'do you remember me, do you remember me???!' I think he did! So gorgeous! Tripled in size, easily... It had been 2 weeks to the day that I last saw him. I wasn't expecting him to be so big, but he is!

So sad to say goodbye, and to Bender too, but I was still filled with love after having seen them. I do still get that hollow, I miss them, feeling... but, what can you do?! Taking what I can get.

♡Missy

Giving up...

I had yet another bad weekend.

I went to go get my cat, Smokey, from my old home, and also decided to take the other cat as well. I did technically cat-nap him… But for the past 4 years that I have lived there, it has been ME who has fed and loved him. Me who saved him from being tortured by my nephews… It was with me and on my bed where he slept every night. And it was my lap that he curled up on in the evenings. My sister actually let a complete stranger “adopt” his mother, and it was clear it was me who was affected most by the death of his brother… I have lived with and LOVED that cat for the past 4 out of his 5 years on this earth. Unfortunately for me, my sister knows this… And on the night of our fight, she threatened me that I would never see him or the puppy again… Looks like her threat is becoming reality.

Feeling helpless...

Thanks for the support, Jemma and Emma (ahh, I do like Rhymes).

I started to move some of my belongings last night. I felt free as I drove along Beach Road towards the place I will now call home… But, as I got closer, it sunk in that this is for real. Once I move out there is no going back.

I’m really worried. 

After one of my sisters’ episodes (the BIG one) I thought to myself, this is her rock bottom, surely… Feeling somewhat relieved that after reaching this low point, she’d realise her wrong-doings and actually do what she needs to be doing (looking after her children etc)… But no, she hasn’t and I’m wondering if she ever will. And if that wasn’t rock-bottom, than I fear for what rock-bottom is like. I really do. 

You saw the pictures of the beautiful puppy we have… Well, I have been trying to distance myself from him and his sweet puppy dog eyes, as the more time I spend with him, the more in love I become… and the more attached we both are. This morning, and other mornings too, but this morning especially upset me… I went into his jail area, to find the whole floor slippery wet with wee…  his water bowl empty and no food. I fill it up and his food bowl too… Who knows when she’ll be back. I clean the floor so at least it isn’t wet so he won’t slip over, which as anyone with experience with German Shepherds would know is like begging for hip injury, not to mention just how disgusting and unfair it is. I am already late for work, as I have been every morning since we got the puppy, cos unlike her I can’t walk away and leave him in that mess and with no food or at the least water. I did the same thing last night… When, she went upstairs, I finally felt as though I could be downstairs (lately I have been going straight up to my room)but  I was faced with a wet with wee floor, which I had to mop and a poor little puppy basically covered in his own wee. 

It’s just f*cked. 

As of tomorrow I won’t be living at that house anymore. My furniture gets moved out tomorrow and I will no longer have a bed there…  I think I have to tell my dad… It is technically his dog, although my sister clearly got him with the intention of being able to parade him around as her own, yet not take care of him. I will ask my dad if I can take the puppy with me… At least I will take care of him. My sister moans about all the things she has to do… Yet she does NOTHING. I’m in shock and so angry. And helpless because I am work, and she’s off enjoying herself, while the puppy is in prison and swimming in his own wee.

♡Missy

Moving on...

Hi Guys…

Oh my, I have been having a really really tough time lately. 

My last post introduced you to my Dad’s birthday present puppy… I admitted I had fallen in love, head over heels in fact. And though it pains me, I actually have to leave him.

In my past posts, I have mentioned my pet family and how much they mean to me… But other than them, my home life is awful. I posted about trouble I was having with my sister and it has gotten worse. A lot worse. I don’t deserve to be treated the way I have, and it breaks my heart to leave, but I have to.

I have broken down in tears many times… And even people who don’t know my situation noticed something was wrong.

I feel like I have been backed into a corner, and my sister knows how much I LOVE my family and my pets, which I think is why she thought she could treat me so badly and that I wouldn’t do anything about it (ie: leave). My family (who don’t live with me) and my friends all think it’s time I moved out and most thought I should have long ago… But, my God, it is so much easier said than done. Luckily for me, my Mum has offered to let me live with her. She lives in Port Melbourne… Life will be great there. No doubt about it. But I am extremely apprehensive about leaving my babies… But I have to, for my own sanity.

I think, due to being so unhappy at home, I put all of my affection and adoration into my pets, and as everyone knows, pets give unconditional love… and now I have to leave them. It breaks my heart and is what has kept me there so long… And worse still, I know it will be used against me. She has already told me before ‘for someone who claims to love their family so much, you sure are selfish’… This is all due to her selfishness and just abusing my kindness and taking advantage of me. And then using it against me. 

It probably sounds like I’m a bit of a Drama Queen, and I wish I could tell you the back story…  

I feel broken.

She said things to me that I will never forget.

♡Missy