Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas Grinch...

Thanks for your comment on my last post, LH

I totally understand how you feel! Family drama is one of the hardest to deal esp when I see friends with families who are extremely close knit and I think, why am I not like them? But now I've pretty much given up on having any sort of close knit relationship and I'm just taking baby steps and seeing how things go and being civil.

And with your animal thing, if I were you, I would have just taken them to my new place. I cried when I had to put my cats in the cattery when our apartment flooded. I know I'm a legit crazy cat lady. I totally miss my babies when I leave the place!

I actually started to write a reply to your comment, but then it got massive and I realised, heck, this is a post all on its' own.

My sister knows how much Bender means to me, which is precisely why she forced me to return him. I did technically steal him and had planned to keep him, and I even thought I'd gotten away with it without much fuss. But then she used my nephews as leverage for me to return him (I had even asked my nephews if it was okay, and they seriously didn't care!) and she would have gotten my Dad involved and why would he, or anyone, support me, when she would say my nephews miss their cat?! It's blindingly clear she's doing it to hurt me and she couldn’t care less how the cat feels, or even how her children feel (like I said, I asked, and they didn't mind). She is not an animal person. She's barely even a people person.   

I literally think about him all the time. I too am a legit crazy cat lady... My sister knows that too- She used to say I was the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons and even gave me the figurine, which I think was intended to be insulting... Pfft, I'm proud of it, it's sitting on my desk right now, as we speak- or I type I mean. I love my pets and I’m not ashamed, but I couldn’t let her keep using them as a way to get to me… Well, it is still getting to me (obviously), but I can’t let her know that. I know I sound crazy… but I’m not being overly dramatic, I promise. She wants to hurt me She wants to punish for me for not letting her stand over me anymore.

And proud of it!

I hate myself or not being able to stand up to her and take Bender... I'm exhausted by her and all the drama and abuse… It fuels her, she loves it- thrives off it. Lives for it. Even now, my anger is all built up inside of me, it makes me feel ill. I'm not even going to Christmas this year- cutting off my nose to spite my myself, I guess...Yep, I'll be on my own for Christmas and I'll be the only one who notices. I wouldn't dare inflict the terrible mood I will be in, due to missing out on my usual family Christmas, on anyone else so I won't be going anywhere. I cannot stand her and don't want to be anywhere near her. I will explode if I do. She'll use my absence against me, but I've gotten to the point where she can say whatever she wants about me now. I’m over it. The people who really know me (incl. family) will know what she says is complete bulldust, and if they don't already know it, why should I let it bother me.  Saddest part about that… I think my own Father will be someone who will believe all she says. I’m sick of being second best to everyone.

I'm so hurt by all of this... Bender being kept from me is just the dagger in my heart.



  1. Is your sister really not willing to compromise on this? It sounds so awful, and poor Bender is stuck in the middle. It's Christmas, surely you can come to some sort of compromise arrangement?

  2. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sounds so horrible and stressful :( I really hope you'll be able to get Bender back. I know that it is so difficult to stand up to somebody who has had power over you for so long/been a bully. I recently finally stood up to a close friend of many years who was always saying cruel and hurtful things about my appearance, race etc. Luckily all ties have been severed and although I will most likely see her again because we have mutual friends, I will never really have to deal with her again. I can't imagine how hard it must be with a family member (especially when the other family members side with her). I'm sorry this is such a giant comment, just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and I hope everything works out for you!


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